Dumb Dogs Stories, Part 1

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Article: 53134 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: Sun, 23 Jan 94
From: KATEW
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?

Tasha has decided that cats are the enemy. Funny thing is, REAL cats don't bother her a bit...it's those demon kitties on TV that drive her wild. Last night, she was lying on the couch with our two cats snuggled up beside her. A Friskies ad came on, with mewing kittens, and Tashie went NUTS! Barking, whining, looking under things for the kittens. Bogie & Bacall sat on the couch and watched her, with this "I cannot believe what I am seeing" look on their faces. After she got tired of barking, Tash jumped back on the couch and nuzzled up to Bogie & fell asleep. Bacall climbed up on Tasha, who didn't even open her eyes when Bacall fell off and meowed.

Our zoo is advertising the new elephant yard, complete with trumpeting Babars. I'm getting kind of worried about the reaction we might get from Tash. ;)
--Kate & Tasha, wacko goldenX


Article: 53148 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: 24 Jan 1994
From: holsten
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: U.C. College of Natural Resources

This story is about my dog as a teenager, Lennon. (Who was so named because we got him on the day that John Lennon died. My dad was a big Beatles fan.)

We lived in Arizona, where the little, three inch alligator lizards are everywhere. We had a brick wall in the back yard, and the lizards liked to sit on the side of the wall and sun themselves. Lennon liked to chase the lizards. He would very sloooowly stalk them until he was about two feet away, and then he would slam his face into the wall to try to get the lizard. We thought that he would learn that slamming his face into the wall was a Bad Idea, but he never did. He never caught a lizard, either.

Donna (and Calvin (and Lennon, R.I.P.) )


Article: 53154 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: 24 Jan 1994
From: Deganit Armon
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: University of California, Riverside (College of Engineering/Computer Science)

This is more a smart cat story than a dumb dog one, but still funny.

My sister's dog, Vista, a Golden Retriever, has periodic run-ins with the cat, and ends up chasing him around the house when he gets on her nerves. The cat leads the chase into the bathroom, then marches out slamming the door behind him while poor Vista is still trying to turn around to continue the chase.

(This is no mean feat - the door opens _into_ the bath, so he has to pull the door and get his paw out of the way quickly).

For a while my sister couldn't figure out why the dog was locked in the bathroom when she came home from work. Then she saw it happen... She believes that the cat actually provokes the dog just to get a good chase going. The dog falls for it every time.


Article: 53161 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994
From: M.H. Bonham
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: Colorado SuperNet, Inc.

Well, with Conan, you are never out of stories ;-)

As a puppy, Conan was fascinated with the phone. One day I heard a loud crash and a yelp. Conan comes tearing out with the phone cord wrapped around him and the phone banging across the linoeum. Needless to say, we had to get a new phone.

Conan's housbreaking was an eventful experience. One day, the poop got stuck on his rear and he went kiyiyiing into the house running around, frantically trying to get the poop monster away from him.

A much later story: We just moved into our house and had bought a plow for our truck. One night, Conan Looked out the window and began barking like an intruder was nearby. Cuawn, his partner in crime, rushed up and began barking and then became speechless. The following dog conversation unfolded (in body kanguage):

Cuawn: What the hell are you barking at?
Conan: Don't you see it?
Cuawn: See WHAT?
Conan: Burrorrorrrorrwuff!
Cuawn: I'mn out of here. (Leaves)
Conan: (Still barking)
Cuawn: (Rushes back -- maybe there *is* something) Woof! (Still sees nothing)
Sky Warrior: He's barking at the plow!
Conan: Don't you see it?
Everyone: Shut up and lie down!

Sigh...
Sky Warrior


Article: 53164 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: 24 Jan 1994
From: Sean Douglas Ennis
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity,rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: The University of Manitoba

Diane Mathews writes:

And then there are the kites. Not sure what they think those kites are, but Quad gets incredibly excited about chasing them and running under them. One time he saw a kite at the other end of the field. (Note: only let the dogs

That's ok. We have these hot air balloons around here that advertise a real-estate company. Anyways when these things fly over, my dog barks and snarls at them 'because they are not supposed to be able to fly like that'. And he gets real upset when the pull the burner cord.
Sean


Article: 53169 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: 24 Jan 1994
From: Irvin Charles Terrell
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity,rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: University of Oklahoma, Engineering Computer Network

My old (now gone from this world) boxer wasn't dumb by any means. often acted smarter than the rest of us. but like most dogs, he usually fell for the old "fake fetch toss" routine.

And if you have to ask what the old fake fetch toss is, you most certainly belong in alt.stupidity.
charlie terrell


Article: 53176 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994
From: Kim Krattiger
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: the HP Corporate notes server

Well, I took my dogs out to the beach one day. The place I take them is very sheltered and there were absolutely no waves, but there were plenty of birds floating around. Well the dogs got out of the car and both high-tailed it for the birds, not realizing that there was any water in the way. They ran full speed into the water and were pretty much in over their heads by the time they realized what happened.

I was dying with laughter because, althought my Golden is ok with water, my Akita absolutely HATES it and doesn't even like to walk on the grass when there is dew on it. Boy was she in shock!


Article: 53177 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994
Newsgroups: alt.stupidity,rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs
From: Nicholas Herold
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: Brandeis University

Bob Stewart writes:
>Several years ago my sons were at the home of a neighbor who had Irish Setters....

A friend of mine's uncle had a dog that liked to chase cars on Cape Cod's roads. Once he ran full tilt into a telephone pole, but he never chased cars again. He walked with a funny kind of limp, walked in circles a lot of the time and had to be shown where his food was morning and evening.


Article: 53183 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994
From: Diane Mathews
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: Hewlett-Packard / Boise, Idaho

holsten writes:
>and then he would slam his face into the wall to try to get the lizard.

This reminds me of the Collies when they were pups, and hadn't quite figured out perspective and stuff just yet. I lived in a white house, and during that late summer there was some kind of bug hatch. Little black bugs would fly or climb on the side of the house, but not too high. None of us had ever noticed them before, but the dogs did. They'd see this black dot move, and try to get it w/ their faces. Anyone who knows Collies noses also knows (like this sentence so far?) that they missed every time. It was hilarious!


Article: 53185 of rec.pets.dogs
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994
Newsgroups: rec.humor,rec.pets.dogs,alt.folklore.urban
From: Daniel B Case
Subject: Re: How Stupid Is Your Dog?
Organization: University at Buffalo

A woman with whom I was speaking at one of the local obedience schools told me the following about her sister who has a lovable Lab and lived next door to a woman who was not always the nicest person. The woman had a rabbit named Ben who lived in an outside hutch. The woman consistently badgered the sister because the Lab hadn't quite gotten the hang of the idea that his yard didn't go on forever and the woman was *sure* the Lab was going to attack Ben. (The Lab had showed absolutely *no* interest in the rabbit or the rabbit's hutch.)

Well, one day the Lab appeared at the sister's door with a very dirty and very dead Ben in his mouth. The sister was naturally horrified, and also terrified that if she told the woman, the woman would insist that the Lab be put down... so, the sister, being a complete and admitted chicken, took Ben's body into the laundry room, washed it carefully, dried it and snuck over to the woman's yard and returned Ben to his hutch, hoping against hope that the woman wouldn't realize what had happened. (Apparently, Ben's body was intact...)

The next morning the sister heard the woman next door scream... and scream... and scream. The sister went over and the woman was wailing, "Ben's dead! Ben's dead!". The sister tried to console the woman (feeling completely guilty the entire time). Finally the woman calmed down enough (but not much) to say... "No! You don't understand! Ben's DEAD! He died 2 days ago and I buried him!"

The sister never had the nerve to tell the woman what had happened... though she was tempted when the woman was moving away, but figured that it was best left alone.
Holly

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