Dumb Instructions

I guess the human race is becoming more mentally challenged by certain obvious directions we read on warning labels. Here are some actual label instructions on consumer products that may tell us that we are

On a blanket from Taiwan -
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

On a Taiwanese shampoo -
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On the bottle top of a (UK) flavored milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.

On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.

On a Japanese food processor -
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.

On Sainsbury's peanuts -
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.

On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

On some frozen dinners -
SERVING SUGGESTION DEFROST.

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box -
FITS ONE HEAD.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine -
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.

On Nytol sleep aid -
WARNING MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.

Date Received: January 7, 2003

Those cardboard sunscreens for your windshield....mine has "do not operate vehicle with sunshade in place"

3M dust mask we use at work...."does not provide independent air supply" -- no sh*t Sherlock!