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Date Received: Thu, 22 Aug 1996CLUELESS QUOTES BY CLUELESS FOLKS
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
"They gave me a book of checks. They didn't ask for any deposits."
"He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech."
"It depends on your definition of asleep. They were not stretched out. They had
their eyes closed. They were seated at their desks with their heads in a nodding position."
"I didn't accept it. I received it."
"I was a pilot flying an airplane and it just so happened that where I was
flying made what I was doing spying."
"I was under medication when I made the decision not to burn the tapes."
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members
of the House and members of the Senate."
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."
"Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"
"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued
.. Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1, 1976."
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this century's
history.... We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
"In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent..."
"Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself."
"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."
"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly underpolluted."
"The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty
for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner;
and murdering a government poultry inspector."
"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school
board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post."
"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing."
Date Received: Thu, 6 Nov 1997 "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.'
"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best
people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out
the year."
"But what ... is it good for?"
"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would
pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better
than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."
"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."
"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say
America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."
"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.'
"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built
with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we'll give
it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And
they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we
don't need you. You haven't got through college yet."'
"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and
the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems
to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."
"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your
muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept
inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training."
"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".
"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
"Any serious graphics applications still run better on Apple's Macintosh platform..."
Date Received: Wed, 12 Aug 1998 "I expect to win it. Sit back, put your feet up in front of the TV, relax and
enjoy it. Let me do the worrying - that's what I get paid for."
"I have always found strangers sexy."
"I would not wish to be Prime Minister, dear."
"That rainbow song's no good. Take it out."
"You'd better learn secretarial skills or else get married."
"Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax". "The aeroplane is
scientifically impossible."
"You ought to go back to driving a truck."
"Forget it. No Civil War picture ever made a nickel."
"Can't act. Can't sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little."
"Very interesting, Whittle, my boy, but it will never work."
"There will be one million cases of AIDS in Britain by 1991."
"The Beatles? They're on the wane."
"The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in explosives."
"All saved from Titanic after collision."
"Brain work will cause women to go bald."
"Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine."
"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
"And for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam."
Date Received: Mon, 22 Feb 1999 Moments when saying nothing might have worked out better:
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I
can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with
all those flies and death and stuff.
"The police are not here to create disorder. They're here to preserve disorder."
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas.
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana ... The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
"It's like an alcatraz around my neck."
Half this game is ninety percent mental.
They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.
It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was
that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
our air and water that are doing it.
The president has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm
just the one to do it.
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.
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