| "Can't we just be friends?" | There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of his body touch any part of mine again. |
| "I just need some space." | without you in it. |
| "Do I look fat in this dress?" | We haven't had a fight in a while. |
| "No, pizza's fine." | Cheap bastard! |
| "I just do not want a boyfriend now." | I just don't want YOU as a boyfriend now. |
| "I don't know; what do you want to do?" | I can't believe that you have nothing planned. |
| "Come here." | My puppy does this too |
| "I like you, but ..." | I don't like you. |
| "You never listen." | You never listen. |
| "We're moving too quickly." | I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend. |
| "I'll be ready in a minute." | I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will. |
| "Oh, no, I will pay for myself." | I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch. |
| "Oh YES!!! Right there!" | Well, near there; I just want to get this over with |
| "I'm just going out with the girls." | We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends. |
| "There's no one else." | I am doing your brother. |
| "Size doesn't matter." | unless I want an orgasm. |
| "I'm hungry." | I'm hungry. |
| "I'm sleepy." | I'm sleepy. |
| "I'm tired." | I'm tired. |
| "I've gotta pee." | Get out of the way. |
| "I've gotta GO!" | Get out of the way and stay away until it clears |
| "Can I call you sometime?" | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
| "Do you want to go to a movie?" | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
| "Can I take you out to dinner?" | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
| "Can I get your coat?" | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
| "Let me get your door." | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
| "May I have this dance?" | I'd eventually like to have sex with you. |
| "Nice dress!" | Nice Tits! |
| "You look tense, let me give you a massage." | I want to fondle you. |
| "What's wrong?" | I don't see why are you making such a big deal out of this. |
| "What's wrong?" | What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? |
| "What's wrong?" | I guess sex tonight is out of the question. |
| "I'm bored." | Do you want to have sex? |
| "I love you." | Let's have sex now. |
| "I love you too." | Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now! |
| "Good morning." | That was great sex......let's have more! |
| "See you later." | That was great sex......let's have more! |
| "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." | I liked it better before. |
| "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." | $50 and it doesn't look that much different! |
| "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." | For $50 they should have GIVEN you hair! |
| "Let's talk." | I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. |
| "Will you marry me?" | I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. |
| "Will you marry me?" | I might as well get tax benefits for going through these "talks" |
| "I'm going fishing" | I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." |
| "It's a guy thing" | "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical". |
| "Can I help with dinner?" | "Why isn't it already on the table?" |
| "Uh huh," "Sure, honey", or "Yes, dear" | Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. |
| "It would take too long to explain" | "I have no idea how it works." |
| "Take a break honey, you're working too hard." | "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." |
| "That's interesting, dear." | "Are you still talking?" |
| "You know how bad my memory is." | "I remember the theme song to 'F. Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." |
| "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." | "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." |
| "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." | "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." |
| "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." | "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." |
| "I can't find it." | "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." |
| "What did I do this time?" | "What did you catch me at?" |
| "I heard you." | "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." |
| "You know I could never love anyone else." | "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." |
| "You look terrific." | "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving." |
| "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." | "No one will ever see us alive again." |
| "We share the housework." | "I make the messes, she cleans them up." |
| While shopping: | |
| "Yes, that one's nice." | Why do you ask when you aren't going to listen anyway? |
| "That one looks great on you." | Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! |
| "I like that one better." | Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! |
| "Uh huh." | Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! |
| "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." | Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home! |
| "I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." | I am gay. |
| "It makes you look fat." | I'm really stupid! |
This page last updated .
| Return to... | Kids & Parents Index Page | Humor Index page | Home Page |