WHY ASK WHY

1. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
2. Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
3. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
4. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
5. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
6. Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
7. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
8. Who is supposed to read the "Seeing eye dogs only" sign at the post office - the blind person or the dog?
9. How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
10. If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
11. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
12. If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
13. If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
14. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
15. You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
16. Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
17. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
18. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
19. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
20. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
21. Why do you have to work like a slave to get a Master's degree?

Did you know who in 1923 was:

• President of the largest steel company?
• President of the largest gas company?
• President of the New York Stock Exchange?
• Greatest wheat speculator?
• President of the Bank of International Settlement?
• Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least they found the secret of making money. Now more than 55 years later, do you know what has become of these men?

• The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
• The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, is insane.
• The President of the N.Y.S.E., Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
• The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
• The President of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
• The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died of suicide. The same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won the U.S. Open and PGA Tournaments. Today he is still playing golf and is solvent.

Date Received: Thu, 02 Jan 1997

I'm sorry, eh. I didn't think (full stop) this would go on but it did. If you have any more questions, just stick 'em somewhere and I'll run across them I guess and hhelp out if I can. See below (as if you could miss it) ... Oh, yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR !!
Mike

I've never seen so many foolish questions in one place but at least we'll get them out of the way before 1997 goes, too.

Here's Why

1. You need a driver's license to buy liquor because you can't have liquor in a public place, your car is private.
2. Phonetic is spelled the way it sounds; most people pronounce it incorrectly.
3. Hawaii has interstates because Hawaiians like to travel (mostly July skiing trips to the Canadian Rockies).
4. If the flotation devices were under the parachutes, no one would ever find them.
5. Gas station owners like to retire on insurance money, too.
6. A silencer is not required. Mimes are invariably deaf. ( Did you ever notice..they don't speak?)
7. Huh?
8. Blind persons and their dogs can safely ignore this sign. Unemployed dogs are required to read and obey it.
9. The snowplow guy takes a taxi.
10. 7-11 has locks on its doors to keep employees in.
11. No, cows drink Coke. (This question has been covered in depth elsewhere.)
12. Nothing sticks to Teflon, the pans contain no Teflon. (It won't stick to metals, either)
13. The cat licks the butter off the toast and lands on its face.
14. Headlights are aimed slightly to the side, allowing the light to fall behind without slowing you appreciably.
15. Open the package from the inside where there is no visible labelling.
16. Braille dots, hmm, good question, the bills never come out properly folded.
17. Wrong question, should be "Why do we park and drive in lanes and should we do both in the same place?"
18. Shipment-Cargo - another hmmm...I'm not sure but I remember it has to do with the Scandinavian origin of English words and the Norman invasion.
19. The black box material causes metal fatigue. Too much of it inside an aircraft would make it unairworthy.
20. You turn down the radio volume so as not to be embarrassed. Your wife would have to yell that should have stopped for directions and others might hear.
21. Work like a slave to get a Master's degree? That's a joke, right?

Date Received: Monday, October 27, 2003

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?

And who opened that first oyster and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"