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Date Received: Friday, November 10, 2000
For those of us who need something to get us through a gloomy Friday, here are some redneck haikus.
A NEW MOON
Flashlights pierce darkness
No nightcrawlers to be found
Guess we'll gig some frogs
| ALONE
Seeking solitude
Carl's ex-wife Tammy files fer
Restraining order
| BEAUTY
Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps
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BLAZE
Distant siren screams
Dumb-ass Verne's been mowing with
Gasoline again
| DEPRIVED
In WalMart toy aisle
Wailing boy wants rasslin' doll
Mama whups his ass
| DESIRE
Damn, in that tube-top
You make me almost fergit
That you're my cousin
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DRAMA
Set the VCR
Dukes of Hazard Marathon
Starts at 9 O'Clock
| EXUBERANCE
Joyous, playful, bright
Trailer park girl rolls in puddle
Of old motor oil
| GATHERING
In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man
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HATRED
I curse the rainbow
Emblazoned upon his hood
Goddamn Jeff Gordon
| IMPOUNDED
Sixty-five dollars
And cyclone fence keeps me from
My El Camino
| MOTHER AND CHILD
Crusted in boogers
Stained with Kool-Aid, baby has face
Only Mama loves
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NO SIGNAL
White noise, buzzing static
Call Earl; the satellite dish
Needs new descrambler
| OFFERINGS
Tonight we hunger
Grandma sent grocery money
To Robert Tilton
| OPTIONS
Unemployment's out.
Hey, maybe I can git on
Disability
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PRIDE
Grinning, he displays
The nine hundred beer cans that
Fill his pick-up bed
| REMORSE
A painful sadness
Cain't fit big screen TV through
Double-wide's front door
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