McDonnell-Douglas Survey

The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...

AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other

First Name
Initial
Last Name
Password
Code Name
Latitude _________ Longitude _________ Altitude _________

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
_F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-117A Stealth _Classified

3. Date of purchase: Month: _________ Day: _________ Year: _________

4. Serial Number:

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
_Received as gift/aid package
_Catalog showroom
_Sleazy arms broker
_Mail order
_Discount store
_Government surplus
_Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
_Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by manufacturer
_Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
_Style/appearance
_Kickback/bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/maneuverability
_Comfort/convenience
_McDonnell Douglas reputation
_Advanced Weapons Systems
_Price/value
_Backroom politics
_Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
_North America
_Central/South America
_Aircraft carrier
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third World countries
_Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

Product	Own	Intend to purchase
Color TV	____	____
VCR	____	____
ICBM	____	____
Killer Satellite	____	____
CD Player	____	____
Air-to-Air Missiles	____	____
Space Shuttle	____	____
Home Computer	____	____
Nuclear Weapon	____	____

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:
_Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed
_Neutral
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt
_Primitive/Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
_Cash
_Suitcases of cocaine
_Oil revenues
_Deficit spending
_Personal check
_Credit card
_Ransom money
_Traveler's check

12. Check all that apply:

Occupation	You	Your Spouse
Homemaker	____	____
Sales/marketing	____	____
Revolutionary	____	____
Clerical	____	____
Mercenary	____	____
Tyrant	____	____
Middle management	____	____
Eccentric billionaire	____	____
Defense Minister/general	____	____
Retired	____	____
Student	____	____

13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

Activity/Interest	You	Your Spouse
Golf	____	____
Boating/sailing	____	____
Sabotage	____	____
Running/jogging	____	____
Propaganda/disinformation	____	____
Destabilization/overthrow	____	____
Default on loans	____	____
Gardening	____	____
Crafts	____	____
Black market/smuggling	____	____
Collectibles/collections	____	____
Watching sports on TV	____	____
Wines	____	____
Interrogation/torture	____	____
Household pets	____	____
Crushing rebellions	____	____
Espionage/reconnaissance	____	____
Fashion clothing	____	____
Border disputes	____	____
Mutually Assured Destruction	____	____

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis