Technology-Related Humour

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Date Received: Thu, 6 Oct 1994

Compiled by: Mark Yocom

Special Thanks To: Raymond Chen Christopher Becker Pat (SPAM) John Graziano Robert Tarr John Connelly Michael McDaniel Stan Paszt Alpha Theta Coeducational Fraternity [Electro Productions] Scott Parish Stefanie L. Lawson tomm@pet.med.ge.com Raoul Rodriguez Donald Simmons Joshua A. Laff

Requirements: Episode(s) of ST:TNG
This list
People (the more the merrier)
Beverages of your choice

Instructions: Simple. Watch the show, and whenever a condition is met, take the appropriate number of drinks. The definition of "drink" should be decided before game play starts. Usually, a good mouthful will suffice. Optional rules are included at the end of the list for fun variations on the "standard" game.

Compiler's Note: I would advise taking some time before game play starts to decide which conditions to use and which to ignore. Remember that this list is canonical, so you probably will _not_ want to use them all (especially with a new episode, since you'll spend all your time reading the list, rather than watching). Please send any corrections, suggestions, requests, submissions, flames, etc. to the address listed above.

General Quotes

Condition	Number of Drinks
"Open hailing frequencies"	1
"Medical emergency"	1
"Belay that order"	1
"Energize"	1
"Hell", "Damn" and other swearing. SEE ALSO: Riker's special swearing rules.	1
"It's not like anything I've ever seen before"	1
"Impossible"	1
"Impossible" while watching the "impossible"	2
"Shut up, Wesley"	3
"On screen"	1
"Understood"	1
"Set phasers on..."	1
"Acknowledged"	1
"Priority One"	1
"Just a little more time...!"	1
"Eastern/Western/Southern/Northern Continent"	2
"The Klingon Home Planet" or other reference without actually giving it a name	2

General Actions

"Ensign Ethnic" or "Ensign Buxom" gets a line	1
A bad fight scene occurs	1
A bridge officer is seen in casual clothes SEE ALSO: Picard's & Beverly's special clothing rules.	1 ea.
A bridge officer is seen in dress uniform	1 ea.
A Captain's Log entry is made by someone other than Picard	2
A crewmember drinks (outside of 10 Forward) SEE ALSO: Picard's special drinking rules.	1 ea.
A crewmember straightens his/her uniform SEE ALSO: Picard's special uniform rules.	1 ea.
A desk hologram is seen	2
A female crewmember has flawless makeup after she's been put through the wringer	1
A guest appearance is made by someone from TOS	3
A log entry is made - not by Picard	2
A log entry is made	1
A member of the bridge crew looks WAY too pleased with him/herself	1
A member of the bridge crew takes over a by pushing someone out of the way	2
A new alien also has differently shaped hands	1
A new alien doesn't have latex on its forehead	2
A new alien has latex on its forehead	1
A new alien ship is revealed	1
A poker game is shown	1
A principle character is put on trial	1
A probe is launched	1
A shuttlecraft appears unsafe	1
A shuttlecraft is launched	2
A sound effect from TOS is heard	1
A star returns from the dead	Whole Beverage
A stardate is mentioned - not in a log entry	1
A succession of five face closeups with no dialogue	1
A token alien is shown in the background and has no lines	1
The token alien is a Vulcan	2
An "expendable" is killed	1 ea.
An "Old Earth Saying" is brought up	1
An Old Earth Date is mentioned	2
Ancient alien technology screws things up	1
Another Captain or Starfleet Command officer is shown	1
Bridge command is handed over	1
Communications malfunction/go out	1
Communicators are out of range	2
Communicators don't work	1
Dialogue in the turbolift	1
English is spoken by Klingons when they are alone and have no reason to speak English	2
First names while sexual tension present	2
Harmonics are changed in shields/phasers/etc.	1
Holodeck characters become aware of their own ephemerality	2
Intruder Alert	3
Klingon is spoken	1
Mention of dilithium crystals	1
Nobody leaves the ship, but we still see more than one room of the alien ship/planet/etc	2
Part of a set is destroyed in a fistfight	2
Phasers are used for a different function than intended (e.g. overload, power a transporter, etc.)	1
Picard or Riker order a course change by exact X, Y, and Z coordinates, rather than something like "Set course for Starbase 8"	3
Readings go off the scale	1
Red Alert	2
Security alert or request	1
Someone adopts a persona (Dixon Hill, Sherlock Holmes, etc.)	1 ea.
Someone alludes to a work/person/event/etc. that hasn't been made/existed/happened yet	1
Someone brings up the matter/antimatter ratio	1
Someone changes their pronunciation of a word within the same scene	1
Someone gives their communicator to a non-crewmember so they can communicate with the Enterprise	3
Someone implies that 10 Forward is a Happening Place	1
Someone is referred to by their first name	1
Someone is seen out of uniform (in civvies)	2
Someone is transported to somewhere other than a transporter room or sickbay from somewhere other than a transporter room	2
Someone mentions Jack Crusher	2
Someone other than Picard preaches the P.D.	2
Someone places their communicator on something so it can be beamed away or destroyed	2
Someone preaches about "Humanity's Unique Potential"	1
Someone preaches the Prime Directive	1
Someone quotes Shakespeare, etc. (See Picard)	1
Someone reads a book	1
Someone receives a shot	1
Someone receives a shot from a non-medical officer	2
Someone removes their communicator	1
Someone requests magnification when it's painfully obvious that it's necessary	2
Someone requests that an image on the main viewer be magnified	1
Someone stops the countdown	2
Someone throws/is hit by/etc. styrofoam props	1
Someone uses the episode's title in a sentence	2
Someone wakes up from a nightmare	1
Someone who normally pronounces "sensors" as "SEN-sers" pronounces it as "SEN-sohrs"	1
Something escapes the sensors	1
Something escapes the sensors and they use the word "interference" as an excuse	2
The auto-destruct sequence is activated	3
The battle bridge is used	1
The battle bridge is used with the saucer section still attached	2
The bridge crew contemplates mutiny	3
The camera pans > 90 degrees to show how BIG the ship is	1
The computer makes that "I'm listening" chirp	1
The Enterprise actually fights (shots must be fired)	2
The Enterprise avoids a conflict rather than using force	1
The Enterprise docks at a starbase	3
The Enterprise encounters an unknown energy form	1
The Enterprise is boarded by hostiles	2
The Enterprise is captured in a nebula/cloud	1
The Enterprise is hurled somewhere by another force (Q, Tin Man, etc.)	2
The Enterprise is taken over	1
The holodeck appears in its "natural" state	2
The matte painting has a moving ground vehicle	2
The same matte painting of an alien planet is used after each commercial break	1
The sarcophagus is used in sickbay	2
The saucer section separates	Whole Beverage
The ship/crew is seconds away from disaster	1
The transporter room can't lock on to someone	1
The transporter room pulls someone through after their ship explodes	2
The warp engine light goes really fast	2
The weapons are rendered useless	1
There is a countdown	1
They contact someone via communicator or intercom without activating it	1
They fade to commercial playing the "ominous horns"	1
They fade to commercial with a soap-opera-like close up on someone's face	1
TNG contradicts a fact stated in TOS	2
Transporter goes down	1
Transporter Room 3 is used	1
Yellow Alert	1

Picard Quotes

"Captain's Log"	1
"Captain's Log, Supplemental"	2
"Come" (in personal quarters)	2
"Come"	1
"Engage"	1
"Make it so"	1
"Number One"	1
"Proceed"	1
"The boy" in reference to Wesley	1

Picard Actions

Accident or attack draws blood	3
Appears uncomfortable (around women, children)	1
Calls a meeting in the middle of a crisis	2
Calls a meeting	1
Cries	Whole Beverage
Demonstrates knowledge of a foreign language	1
Drinks tea identified as Earl Grey	4
Drinks tea	3
Drinks	2
Has an accident or is attacked	2
Is called upon to mediate a dispute	2
Is possessed	4
Is seen on the bridge out of uniform	2
Leaves the bridge during a crisis to talk with Dr. Crusher or Guinan	1
Leaves the ship to lead an away team	2
Leaves the ship	1
Makes a speech that saves the day	1
Quotes Shakespeare, etc.	2
Requests a Level One Diagnostic	1
Straightens his uniform before giving a speech	3
Straightens his uniform	2
Surrenders	1
Swears/hurls an insult in a foreign language	2
Takes a communique from Starfleet in his ready room	1
Takes the helm in a tricky situation	3
Talks about death to Dr. Crusher	1
Tries to avoid Lwuxana Troi	1
Wears chest-revealing bedwear	2

Worf Quotes

"Impressive"	1
"Admirable"	1
"Grrrrr" (A simple sneer qualifies)	1
"I am a Klingon"	1
"Klingons do NOT..."	1
"Security Override!"	2
"Human women are too fragile"	2

Worf Actions

Actually wins a fight	2
Asks for an explanation of a human term/custom	1
Fusses about his discommendation	2
Gets beat up	1
Has a suggestion shot down offhandedly	2
Has an understated romantic sequence with Troi	2
Makes a reference to his sexual prowess	2
Mentions or participates in some bizarre Klingon ritual	2
Says something with a tilt of his head/nod	1
Throws someone in the brig/Arrests someone	1
Tries to commit suicide	3
Uses the word "human" in a sense meaning puny, weak, or otherwise not Klingon	2

Data Quotes

"Accessing"	1
"Fascinating"	1
"I am an android"	1
"I cannot feel emotions", etc	1
"Increase speed"	1
"Inquiry"	1
"Intriguing"	1

Data Actions

Affects a human mannerism (e.g. Sherlock Data)	2
Brent Spiner breaks character for comic effect	1
Corrects somebody's grammar	1
Does that little head twitch	1
Gets kissed, etc.	3
Gives a list of synonyms for the term he did not understand	1
Gives an "approximation" out to several decimal places	1
Has to have "An Old Earth Saying" explained	2
Innards are revealed other than his head	2
Innards are revealed	1
Is "used" to save the ship, beam down, or hang around infected people because the situation is too dangerous for humans	3
Is able to interpret/use alien technology in no time	1
Is cut off during a list of synonyms	2
Is cut off mid-sentence	1
Is told that he's more human than he thinks	2
Stops himself during an inappropriate speech	2
Uses a contraction	Whole Beverage
Uses a new colloquialism	1
Uses his strength and shows up Worf	2
Uses his strength	1
Uses his superior android speed	1

Riker Quotes

"Hell"	2
"What the hell is going on?"	Whole Beverage
"Damn"	2
"You are personally responsible for the Captain's safety" to Worf	2
"With pleasure, sir"	1

Riker Actions

Acts blatantly like Kirk	1
Demonstrates knowledge of a foreign language	1
Gets that annoying smirk on his face	1
Gets the girl for no apparent reason	2
Gets the girl	1
Pronounces a word in a way that does not match his heritage (e.g. charade=shur-AHD)	2
Stands with his feet more than 2 ft. apart per ' beyond 2'	1
Swears/hurls an insult in a foreign language	2
Thrusts his chin out with a smug look	1
Walks forward as if he's trying to knock an imaginary door down with his forehead	1

LaForge Quotes

"...lost a lotta good people down there..."	1
"Maybe not" in response to "Impossible"	2
"I'm workin' on it!"	1

LaForge Actions

Interacts with a woman (real or not) in the holodeck	2
Is used as a "human tricorder"	1
Sees with his own eyes (VISORless)	Whole Beverage
Tweaks the warp engines/shields/tractor beams	1
VISOR is taken or knocked off	1
Wishes he had human vision	1

Beverly Quotes

"He's dead "	1
"He's gone..."	2
"Nothing yet, but we're working on it"	1
"This man is dying!"	3
"This shouldn't be happening"	1
"This won't hurt a bit"	1

Beverly Actions

Appears without her lab coat in sickbay	2
Appears without her lab coat	1
Beams directly to sickbay or orders someone to be beamed directly to sickbay	1
Can't figure out some bizarre medical problem	1
Diagnoses something really obvious	1
Is seen in a sweater	2
Is seen on the bridge for no apparent reason	1
Loses a patient	2
Performs major surgery	2
Shows maternal instinct	2
Uses one of her ridiculous 24th century medical terms	1
Uses the word "stumped" in regards to problem	2

Deanna Quotes

"What do YOU think about that?" or other quote reminiscent of ELIZA	1
"Are you troubled?" (when they obviously are)	1
"Mother! Please...!"	1

Deanna Actions

Can't shut out all the feelings	1
Cries	2
Gives us Betazoid insight into something really obvious	2
Has some sort of delusion that she and Worf are lovers.	2
Is hit on	1
Rolls her eyes	1
Senses (and lists) more than one emotion	1
Senses something really shocking	1

O'Brien Actions

Has a line in a first or second season episode	1
Disables a weapon during transport	1

Wesley Quotes

"It's easy!" (or "simple", etc.)	1
"Wow", "Gee", "Ooh", etc.	1

Wesley Actions

Appears to be hitting on someone	1
Creates some spiffy new science project	1
Gets that "I'm not just a kid" attitude	1
Gets that annoying "impish" grin	1
Has his life threatened and he dies	Party like it's 1999!
Has his life threatened	2
Is seen with a girl (other than when on duty)	3
Saves the day and nobody thanks him	2
Saves the day and nobody understands his pseudoscientific babbling	2
Saves the day	1
Swallows really hard	1
Talks back to his mom	1

Lwuxana Quotes and Actions

"Little One" in reference to Deanna	1
Is referred to in an episode in which she does not appear	1
Reads Picard's mind (or pretends to)	1

Tasha Yar Actions

Decks someone just to show her strength, etc.	2
Decks someone	1
Denise Crosby makes a guest appearance	1
Gets desire fulfilled	Whole Beverage
Shows sexual desire	3
Suggests that the Enterprise fight, upon meeting another ship, etc.	1

Pulaski

Calls Data "it" or accuses him of being unable to do something because he's an android	1
Cuts Picard off	1
Mispronounces Data's name	1

Guinan

Makes someone sigh at the end of a talk	1
Talks about "her people"	1

Variations

"Engage", "Make It So", "Energize", "Accessing", "On Screen" and "Magnify" are shot words - you must take a drink unless you say the exact word _in unison_ with the dialogue. Two drinks if you say the wrong word.

Whenever Riker appears in a scene, the last person to say "Oink Oink" takes a drink.

If Troi "senses" something, everyone must stick a finger down their throats and make gagging sounds - last one to do so takes a drink. (This one could be dangerous in the latter stages of the game.)

At the start of a commercial break, guess who will do the next log entry. Take a drink if you're wrong. If there's no log entry, everyone drinks.

When Data launches into a long explanation, the last person to interrupt with "Thank you, Commander..." takes a drink. Doesn't count if you say it after it's said on the screen.

Whenever Wesley saves the ship, throw something at the TV. Take a drink if you don't hit Wesley.

Before the show, everyone predicts Dr. Crusher's hairstyle. Everyone who is wrong has to take a drink.

Whenever Troi gets a headache, drink until the headache subsides.

Before the show, everyone predicts Guinan's hat style (stop sign or teardrop). Everyone who is wrong has to take a drink.

Whenever Data embarasses himself, drink until somebody stops him.

Remember, friends don't let friends drink and drive!

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