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Date: Mon, 11 Dec 1995
From: Tanya Westerman
Subject: Cat Anecdote
Hello there!
I love your page -- so does my cat, Nova. In fact, when I have the time, I shall be linking it to Nova's page (she's very insistent, and she insists that I tell you it's here).
Anyways, I thought (as you're a collector of cat humour) I would provide you with the true story of The Revenge of Nova.
Eight years ago, I was living with my ex-boyfriend, Gordon (who later
turned out to be the Best Man at my wedding One day, Gordon came in early, and Nova was at her station, sound asleep
on the aforementioned quilt. I was in the bedroom reading (on MY quilt)
when he came in, and the first thing he did was lift Nova off the quilt
and place her on the floor. Nova, being a typical cat, immediately jumped
back onto the quilt and glared at Gordon. He dumped her on the floor again.
She jumped back up. He dumped her on the floor again. She jumped back up.
He picked her up and _threw_ her on the floor. That did it. Nova gave him
a look that would have sent anyone to an early grave, then turned around,
tail twitching, and left the room. I started to chew Gordon out for throwing
my precious pusskins, and in the middle of my tirade, I noticed that Nova
had returned.
Something looked odd about her. I realized that she was walking on the
very tips of her paws. Puzzled, I watched her make a beeline for the bed,
and yes, she was going to jump on the quilt. Before anyone could stop her,
she landed full pounce on it, and proceeded to paw the quilt -- leaving
streaks of cat poop all over the quilt! When she was sure her paws were
clean (Gordon was dumbfounded, and I was laughing my head off) she gave
him a look that said, "Hah! **** you!", flicked her tail, and bounced out
of the room at top speed.
She got extra kitty treats in her dinner that night. :)
I hope you enjoyed that.
Cheerio...Tanya
Date: Mon, 18 Dec 1995
About 20 years ago, we had a large neutered male (half Persian and
half Siamese) that was grey in color which we called Dusty. Dusty had several
interesting quirks about him:
He was totally unafraid of the vacuum cleaner, in fact, if we used an
upholstery nozzle, we were to vacuum him as he sprawled on the carpet (from
nose to tail, he measured almost 36 inches long.);
The water/juice from a jar of green olives made him act drunk (maybe
the juice had something in common with catnip);
He liked to make the house echo from his 'thundering hooves' whenever
he galloped from the living room down to the basement especially the sound
that his claws made as he made the hard right turn to go downstairs (his
'all claws out' method failed him whenever we waxed the kitchen floor...those
hard right turns inevitably turned into sidewise skids that send a very
surprised Dusty into the back entry way).
Thomas B. Knoedler
Date: January 8, 1996
On Sunday (Jan 7) I was just sitting down at the table to eat my lunch
when Stormy, the original Bad Kitty, hopped up on my lap and managed to
push her head around the margin of the table to inspect the contents of
my plate (I was pretty close in to the table). She then snatched the top
piece of bread and tried to run off with it! I was quick enough to slam
my hand on the bread so she only got the corner, but I got jam on the table
for my effort. She got a good squirting for that, but still had the nerve
to give me that "injured" look! If that isn't chutzpah (or chutzpaw), I
don't know what is!
Date: 08 Jan 1996
The one that I never saw in my youth was my first cat (brought over
by the crazy lady next door for a Christmas present w/o my parent's permission)
was that one time my mother was cooking chicken in the oven. She opened
up the door to pull out the pan and inspect the chicken. The cat stole
a chicken leg and then was the subject of a chase throughout the house,
where she ended up under the middle of my parent's king size bed and calmly
ate it with my mother yelling at her.
My favorite was an old cat of mine that loved to eat breakfast with
us. He was a big cat, and would get up on the edge of the table, and slowly
inch his way across the table, as if we were not watching. One time he
had his head about three inches away from an egg on my plate, and it took
him fifteen minutes to get to the point where the nose was right by the
plate. At that point I usually gave up and rewarded him for the patience.
Date: Tue, 16 Jan 1996
Hi! I'm not sure if you could use these cat episodes on your page, but
if you want to, here they are:
I used to have a box of aquarium supplies stored in my basement. One
of my cats decided to use it as a litter box. I'm not sure how long ago
she did that before I discovered it, but it wasn't fresh! I basically had
to throw out most of the items in the box because they were fish food,
aquarium filter stuff (that white fuzzy stuff) and things like that.
One cat, Tigger, licks just about anything. A couple of times,
I have seen her licking the washing machine.
My other cat, Sugar Plum, eats elastics and anything else that is
rubber or plastic, if she can get her paws on it.
Whenever my cat Tigger comes upstairs, she sits in our shower, sometimes
even if it is wet.
To let us know that they want inside, our cats jump up into our kitchen
window, which is by the back door.
Yes, our cats DO drink out of the toilet, whether they have water downstairs
or not. They also do that other cat pastime, sniffing each other's behinds.
I liked your page. I could relate to some of those things . . .
Suzanne Currie
Date: Tue, 16 Jul 1996
Thanks for your page, which a friend just directed me to. Felt like
an idiot sitting in front of the screen in the office giggling hysterically
(my colleagues are two dog-lovers and a non-animal-person), but hey, a
happy idiot.
My first male cat, appropriately enough he was named Terrible Tom, was
a street orphan, who had obviously tasted the joys of life before we got
him--and got him fixed, *really* fast. So his "rule" would have been
not to sit at the top of the stairs fellating myself when Mummy's 85-year-old
unmarried aunt comes over for dinner (*every* time--how did he know?)
I had another cat (Pig) who *loved* Laura Secord white almond bark (which,
now that I think of it, was a gift for the same aunt) to distraction, and
chewed through the plastic bag covering the paper bag covering the brown
paper covering in the box covering the waxed paper, to get at it. Once.
After that, we kept it in the fridge until Christmas actually came.
I had two cats who couldn't understand why they couldn't get at the
mice through the bars on the (mouse) cage--the mice knew they were safe,
and just kept whirring around on their wheel, the cats were nuts.
I had a cat (T'Pau, but known as Widget, 'cause she only looked like
her namesake, without her bravery and dignity) who hid in the rafters in
the basement when anyone comes over.
I have (!) a cat, Scrapper, with lovely sharp claws, who sat on a table
next to the black glove leather bomber jacket that an unwitting friend
had hung on the coat tree...*not* a pretty sight thereafter...Daddy, who
does taxidermy, lifted, glued, and dyed each minute claw tear--which was
pretty good given that Daddy probably would rather have stuffed the cat.
I had a cat, Sneakers, who would pee on the basement floor *in front
of* the litter box if I was one nanosecond past his 7-day limit in changing
it--Sneakers had a bladder roughly the size of Lake Erie, and urine the
concentration of hydrochloric acid. Sneakers has long gone to that great
litter box in the sky, but on hot humid days, his memory lingers on in
the basement.
*why* do we find these stories so endearing and funny?
current feline housemates are aforesaid Scrapper, Maja (our second-hand
purebred, all the others are mutts, so she *knows* she's a princess), Fumble,
and Gutz.
Oh hey--cat *and* bug story. Every so many years [here in North Bay,
Ont.], we get a plague of tent caterpillars--so bad, for example, that,
in the middle of the summer, the highways folks have to get the sanders
out, 'cause all the squished caterpillars make the highways dangerous--no
guff. The last time this wonderful event occurred was the first summer
we were up here. These things collect in hollows in the ground. One of
our cats went to go out the basement door into the carport, walked on what
she obviously thought was a doormat in a little depression just outside
the door, it was a mass of tent caterpillars, she went straight up and
straight out--and still leaps over that particular exit to this day. Never
knew a cat could act like a helicopter until I saw that.
Date: Tue, 20 Aug 1996
Mr. Brat was (is?) a very independent cat (we've not seen him in a few
months, but this doesn't mean much as you'll learn). He would disappear
quite often for two weeks at a time. A few years back (more like 10 or
so) Mr. Brat disappeared for over three weeks. We were all concerned. One
day my brother Al spotted a black/white cat lying on the side of a busy
road near our home. He confirmed it was Brat. My sister Anna Marie went
to see for herself, as did my Mother and myself (all separate trips). We
all agreed it was Brat. Al went back and retrieved the cat so we could
give him a decent burial in our backyard with the rest of our family pets.
As Al and Anna Marie were finishing up with covering the cat in the
nicely dug hole (in VERY hard ground), there was a sudden MEOW that came
from the fence behind them. There was Brat sitting on the fence WATCHING.
He promptly jumped from the fence and ran DIRECTLY across the fresh grave.
At first all were stunned, and then of course we couldn't stop laughing.
In our backyard is quite the menagerie of pets *passed* along with the
tomb of the unknown feline.
Brat is 21 years old now. He was last seen Christmas 1995. This is a
nice age for an indoor cat, let alone an outdoor cat. I hope if he has
spent his nine lives someone has given him a decent burial in their backyard.
Hope you can use this anecdote. I've always enjoyed sharing it.
Christina Ferrigno
Date: Wed, 16 Oct 1996
Thank you for providing me with a great lunch hour...and my sister with
a hilarious (if lengthy) email from me! We're both cats lovers and appreciate
the stories on your lists. I've printed it to show to my mother when she
comes to dinner tonight.
My household is an odd one...I have two Dobermans, one Australian Shepherd,
Two Chinchilla Persians, A chocolate-point Siamese and a baby, abandoned
alley cat. All of us live in the house together, and manage quite well
to peacefully coexist. My baby cat (Tabitha) and her Siamese Mentor, Rajah,
sent me into fit of laughter the other evening. Dinner time is a big deal,
as you can imagine... the cats, by logic, ALWAYS eat first, then the oldest
Doberman (who worships the cats), then the Aussie (Jake) who cares about
nothing unless it is large and runs very fast (horses, cows, cars), then
the young Dobie, Dutch. As I washed dishes from breakfast, Jake began to
whimper. I turned around only to find that Tabitha had climbed into the
dog's bowl, and Rajah was helping her eat, while the Persians (Solomon
and Aslan) had backed him into the corner, precariously close to the water
bowls. Did I mention that Jake weighs in excess of 85 pounds?
Date: Wed, 30 Oct 1996
Dear Harold,
She tries to play us off against each other. "Mommy, Mommy, Daddy didn't
feed me before he went to work this morning!!!" "Daddy, Daddy, Mommy didn't
feed me, not once, all day!!!" One time she tried this when my husband
came in from the barn, and she was still licking her chops from my having
just fed her. Truth is a highly pliable commodity to a cat.
She also occasionally catches a mouse (quite a feat for a 16 year old
cat with no claws). But unfortunately, she then brings them, very much
alive, to us in our bed. This usually occurs at about 3:30 in the morning.
She promptly lets it go, in the bed, and you can imagine the results.
From: Thomas Knoedler
Subject: Bad Kitty/Crazy Kitty List
Computer Services
University of Illinois at Springfield
Subject: Kitty chutzpah
Here's one from me (Harold Reynolds, list maintainer)
From: Jon Martin
Subject: RE: cat chutzpah
From: Suzanne P. Currie
Subject: cat horror stories
From: Kathy Kilburn
Subject: *bad* kitty
From: CHRISTINA FERRIGNO
Subject: The cat that passed...
From: Kris Porto
Subject: Basic Rules for Cats....
From: Eric & Skye Barnes
Subject: Cat humor
I thoroughly enjoyed your article on the Basic Rules for Cats Who Have
a House to Run. I printed out a copy so my husband could read it, and then
send it on to my technology challenged mother. I think I have the ultimate
story about being dominated by a cat. My cat, Mischief, picked out my husband
for me. Of course, she was right. Eric and I have been married for 11 years
now.
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