Humorous Dog Anecdotes, Part 1

Date: Thu, 14 Dec 1995
From: Patricia Skuse
Subject: Anecdotes

Hello Harold.

It's me again but I just thought I'd give you this tale after it happened we were in hysterics, I hope it makes you laugh just as much as it did us. By the way keep up the good work as my whole menagerie love your page and it gives us hours of entertainment (sad people that we are). Anyway here goes:

Frostie, my white Staffordshire Bull Terrier, suffers from blocked anal glands which entails lots of trips to the vet - not her favourite person as you can imagine. On her last visit she knew where we were going from the minute we turned into the street, once I had parked the car it took me a further twenty minutes to get her out (imagine a six foot tall, overweight lady trying to pull out this tiny dog), finally I succeeded and then had to drag her on her bum into the vets up some stairs and into the waiting room. Once there she started to howl and sing very loudly and informing everyone she was not happy.

Suddenly in the door the Lord Death appeared and called her name. With this she ran under the chair I was sitting on, carried on pulling, my chair overturned complete with me and then she dragged me and the chair out of the door and back down the steps, she finally stopped when she connected very hard with the door. The vet came down the stairs and took her off me carried her upstairs and into the examination room. I followed very red faced and limping plus also insisting he put the hated mutt down. She stood on the table as good as gold and let him do her glands then he inspected her head where she had hit it the result was five stitches above her eye and a ripped claw again sorted by her mortal enemy. We managed to leave the vet with no further incident and from there it was a trip to the hospital for me, the injuries I received are as follows: three stitches in my head, removal of one front tooth, four stitches in my lip (from the afore said tooth), two broken fingers and a broken ankle. I think this is the ultimate revenge for a trip to the vet and my husband is taking her next time as I have sworn never ever again. By the way I still love her to bits and surprisingly she is still alive.

Date: Thu, 21 Dec 1995
From: April Wimbish
Subject: Bad Dog List

Hi,

I want to compliment you on your web site. I loved your list of doggie "do's & dont's". Especially the stories about Rottweilers. I live in Austin, Texas, U.S.A. and I own four Rottweilers, ages 2,4,6, & 8. I could write a book about all of the crazy things my "kids" do, but here are just a few "tails".

Bully is our 6 year old German import male and he has an obsession with cats. Every time he sees one, he starts to tremble, whine, and then goes all out psycho. We had just purchased a cordless phone with an intercom feature and so one day while my husband and I were sitting in the living room with Bully, we turned on the intercom and began making cat noises, meowing, growling and so forth. When he heard the "cat" in the house, he made a U-turn and ran into the kitchen where the phone was. He stood by the counter listening for a few seconds and then jumped three feet straight up and was standing on top of the counter staring at the phone. We ran into the kitchen and got him down off the counter just in time....he was starting to attack the phone, he just knew there was a kitty in there somewhere.

My oldest and most mischievous dog is Nikki, she is 8 and is our only house dog. Here is a list of some of her accomplishments.

1. Helping herself to the chocolate birthday cake I threw into the trash the night before.
2. Helping herself to broccoli off the veggie tray at the Christmas party.
3. Helping herself to the entire stick of butter that we left on the dinner table.
4. Eating bubbles while I take a bubble bath.
5. Helping herself to left over Halloween candy. Most of it stuck to her face.
6. Flipping the kitchen trashcan lid up can every time she walks by....checking for a free snack.
7. Barking & wagging her "nubbie" at her Christmas stocking, even though it's empty.
8. Eating mom's $900.00 Amazon Parrot!
9. Pushing her food bowl all around the backyard. This trick she has managed to teach to the other three dogs.
10. Barking at us after we have eaten dinner and have leftovers on our plates. If we ignore her, she then puts her paw on our leg.
11. Helping herself to old cooking oil left in the deep fryer.
12. Greeting the pizza man personally every time he makes a delivery.
13. Licking my legs dry when I get out of the shower.

I could write more, but I don't want to monopolize your page. Keep up the great work!

Merry Christmas & Happy New YEAR!

Date: Tue, 02 Jan 1996
From: Patricia Skuse
Subject: Anecdotes

Hello Harold it's me again - I just had to tell you about my other dog.

On New Years Eve I had the Flu so we decided to stay in as I was so ill I thought I would have a stiff drink (closely followed by another). I put the second glass (half full with whiskey) on the floor and dozed off, when I awoke I reached for the glass and it was empty - strange I thought and then went to the kitchen for a topup - in the same glass. When I came back into the living room again I placed the glass on the floor and five minutes later it was gone along with my husbands pint of beer - we both immediately blamed the ghosts - we had drunk rather a lot by then. I went back to the kitchen to fix some food and I was followed out by my 4 year old Springer Spaniel he was stood in the kitchen wavering and gazing into space as though he had been drugged - the inevitable started to happen and I laughed at him at which point he staggered into the living room and once there he collapsed onto his back and fell into a deep sleep with all four legs pointing to the stars. I did take a photo but all I got was a blurred mess where I was laughing so much. I know one thing this will be one New Year he probably cannot remember and please take a hint from me do not allow your dog to drink as their doggie farts are really awful the next day.

Date: Sun, 11 Aug 1996
From: Juno Ogle
Subject: Dog anecdote

Hi! This is probably the best site I've found on the Web! Here's my contribution:

I have a 2 year old beagle/Brittany spaniel mix named Nipper. I should have named him "Houndidni" because he's such an escape artist! He's managed to unhook his chain from a pole without breaking it! Somehow he can also slip out a closing door with about 4" of open space, usually just when I'm leaving for work!

But his greatest escape came recently when I took him uptown in the car. I was just going to run up to work on morning off to pick up something I'd forgotten and decided to take Nipper along. I left him the car, strapped into his "seat belt," a safety harness that fits over his neck, runs down his chest and has straps that go around his body behind his front legs and buckle on his back.

I wasn't planning on staying in the office very long, but had forgotten it was an employee's last day, and there was cake. So while eating my piece of cake, I got started chatting with the others. Suddenly, at the front door, I saw Nipper! He looked in the door a second then started off down the street! Fortunately, we got him inside the office. When I got back to the car to leave, his harness was hanging out the passenger side window, with the straps still buckled! How he managed to wiggle his way out of that harness, esp. without hanging himself, I'll never know!

Thanks for the laughs, Juno Ogle

Date: Thu, 20 Feb 1997
From: The Carrolls
Subject: Bad Dog Page

I've got an idea for your bad dog page...my Lab came downstairs Valentine's day morning to see the "enemy aircraft" hovering at the same level as the chandelier. "Enemy aircraft" was carefully circled many times, and attacked at the same time the heater kicked in, causing the "enemy aircraft" to move with the air. Of course, it was just 2 balloons, but the dog didn't know that...then 3 days later, the Lab woke up, I'd brought mine up to my room, it'd been there for like 3 days, "OH MY GOD THEY'RE BACK!" Someone decided that the enemy was stalking them...at 6:30 in the morning before anyone else gets up...
Emily Carroll

Date: Fri, 21 Feb 1997
From: ogden sparks
Subject: Not a Bad Dog...just slightly weird at times.

Hi Harold,
I continue to check in...and continue to be rewarded every time! Thanks so much to you and all the folks who contribute. :-)

I thought I would share a couple of my dog Murphy's particularly odd quirks.
For one thing, he will only travel our kitchen in a clockwise direction. I don't care if there's a cat chase in progress...or a pig ear being waved in his face, he will not alter the pattern.

Speaking of pig ears. He gets one every day when I come home from work as a reward for not eating anyone or anything, etc. They are his favorite thing on earth. But he won't touch it until I take my shoes off! If I don't remove my shoes, he figures I'm leaving again and he refuses to eat a thing when no one (in human form) is home with him.

You just have to love a woofus with that complicated a psyche!
Peace & Energy Ogden

Date: Wed, 05 Mar 1997
From: ogden sparks
Subject: More "kid" stories

Happy March Harold,
It isn't nearly spring here yet...but we're counting the days :-)

In scanning more of your wonderful page I was reminded of a few more dog tales. One being Murphy's mortal fear of hot air balloons. They're actually quite common around here in the summer. We're in something of a resort area and they often appear in the late afternoon coasting over our neighborhood. I don't know if it's the sight of something that big floating above him, the hiss of the blower adding hot air at intervals to the balloon...or the combination. But Murphy just can't handle it. His hackles go up, he growls and won't take his eyes off of the offending UFO until it is literally out of sight. I think he's convinced he can chase it away. I usually end up sending him into the house to get him to calm down.

Town dog that he is, he's still managed to develop a squirrel obsession. With 5 very large old trees on our corner lot they have quite a canopy to climb around in and torment him from a distance. They never used to think twice about hanging out just above his standing level and literally laughing at him in their overconfident squirrel way. That is until the woofus launched out the porch door just fast enough this past fall to catch one. I heard a squeak...looked around the corner and there he was - a mighty proud woofus with black fur hanging out of both sides of his mouth! He didn't hurt it (he has a little cat sister not much bigger that he plays with indoors all the time), and let go when I called to him. But boy, the squirrel strategies have sure changed in our yard since then! Come to think of it, I don't think I've heard them laugh recently. ;-) Murphy, of course, is more obsessed than ever!

Think Spring.
Peace & Energy
Ogden

Date: Sun, 16 Mar 97
From: Prakash K.
Subject: WebSurfer Message

Hi Reynolds,
I have, too, always admired and enthused about James Herriot and Gerald Durrell. Even today I re-read their books regularly.

Here is a dog-story that may interest you.

When I was still a bachelor and before my house had someone or the other always, I acquired 2 Dachshunds, Badshah and Bertie.

When I was at work they were locked up inside the house (which was quite large for a dog to feel cooped up). They had a run of the place but for my own well being I used to spread some newspapers in the entrance hall for their use. As expected, the newspapers were used for play and a corner of my bedroom was used as their toilet.

After work and when I was home, they had a good time rushing around the large compound around the house.

But the funny thing was, even when they were at play in the compound, they used to rush inside the house for their business and rush out again to play.

Badshah, unfortunately, fell prey to the parvo gastro virus before he was 12 months. Bertie had to be given away.

Give my regards to your wife, Jeannine.

Kind Regards, Prakash Khanchandani

Note: I wish I had visited your web site earlier. I could have come and said hi when I was in Toronto in Oct/Nov last year.

From: "Elf"
Date: Fri, 18 Apr 1997

I have a small item for your bad dog list. Several days ago I printed out your bad dog list to show my non computer enabled friends. When my husband went to find it , the list was no longer on my desk. Later he found our dog under the bed contentedly chewing it to bits. I'm not suggesting that she can read. Still..........
R. Noyes

From: Jill Busch
Subject: pethumor
Date: Tue, 20 May 1997

My first dog Boomer (a mixed breed of about 30 lbs) was very hyper, but overall somewhat well behaved, until one day I was re-organizing my basement and he found a box of all natural fish fertilizer. He ate approximately 4 cups, which was more than he would eat in dog food in a day. Where he put it I'll never know. The vet said his saving grace was that it was all natural.

Boomer was also nice enough to chew the corner, and dig 3 holes in my new sofa which at the time was 3 days old. The new sofa was very nice, but..... I was just glad he left my old leather sofa alone!!!!

Jill Busch

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