Cat Haiku

You never feed me. Perhaps I'll sleep on your face. That will sure show you.	You must scratch me there! Yes, above my tail! Behold, Elevator butt.	I need a new toy. Tail of black dog keeps good time. Pounce! good dog! good dog!
The rule for today: Touch my tail, I shred your hand. New rule tomorrow.	In deep sleep hear sound Cat vomit hairball somewhere Will find in morning	Grace personified, I leap into the window. I meant to do that.
Night. Now come night-mice. I chase them 'round on loud feet. You can't see them too?	Blur of motion, then -- Silence, me, a paper bag. What is so funny?	The mighty hunter Returns with gifts of plump birds -- Your foot just squashed one
You're always typing. Well, let's see you ignore my Sitting on your hands.	My small cardboard box. You cannot see me if I Can just hide my head.	Terrible battle. I fought for hours. Come and see! What's a 'term paper'?
Kitty likes plastic Confuses for litter box Don't leave tarp around	Small brave carnivores Kill pine cones and mosquitoes Fear vacuum cleaner	Want to trim my claws? Don't even think about it! My yelps will wake dead.
I want to be close To you. Can I fit my head inside your armpit?	Wanna go outside. Oh, shit! Help! I got outside! Let me back inside!	Oh no! Big One has been trapped by newspaper! Cat to the rescue!
Humans are so strange. Mine lies still in bed, then screams! My claws aren't that sharp ...	Cats meow out of angst "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs! We could break so much!"	Litter box not here You must have moved it again I'll crap in the sink.
The Big Ones snore now Every room is dark and cold Time for "Cup Hockey"	We're almost equals I purr to show I love you Want to smell my butt?	Here's one from me (HR): The green eye opens. Who dares to disturb my sleep? I'll crap on your bed.

Date: September 01, 2003
From: Viki Leigh
Subject: A cat haiku for you to add

See the pretty lady
She scoops my poop
I call her mommy

Date: Sat 12/18/2004 5:50 PM
From: Rudolf Loewenstein
Subject: Fw: Cat Haiku

The food in my bowl Is old, and more to the point Contains no tuna.	So you want to play. Will I claw at dancing string? Your ankle's closer.	There's no dignity In being sick -- which is why I don't tell you where.
Seeking solitude I am locked in the closet. For once I need you.	Tiny can, dumped in Plastic bowl. Presentation, One star; service: none.	Am I in your way? You seem to have it backwards: This pillow's taken.
Your mouth is moving; Up and down, emitting noise. I've lost interest.	The dog wags his tail, Seeking approval. See mine? Different message.	My brain: walnut-sized. Yours: largest among primates. Yet, who leaves for work?
Most problems can be Ignored. The more difficult Ones can be slept through.	My affection is conditional. Don't stand up, It's your lap I love.	Cats can't steal the breath Of children. But if my tail's Pulled again, I'll learn.
I don't mind being Teased, any more than you mind A skin graft or two.	So you call this thing Your "cat carrier." I call These my "blades of death."	Toy mice, dancing yarn Meowing sounds. I'm convinced: You're an idiot.
From me (Harold): My purring kitty. Full of love, full of mischief... Get off the counter!	Born to love and play. The world is mine to explore. I am a kitten.	Get up, lazy slug! It is time to let me out, Lest I wet your bed.