Pun Dictionary: H Entries

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Had Enough (Book Titles): Christmas Dinner is Over at Last: Ed Anuff ^A
Haddock (Food): "I've haddock with eating fish! I never want another one!"
Hailed (Meteorology): "Hello!" hailed the weatherman. (Previously he had been raining.)
Hainan (Geography): How to greet Nan in China. "Hainan!"
Haiphong (Geography): How to greet Fong in Vietnam: "Haiphong!"
Hair is Long (Book Titles): Rapunzel, Rapunzel!: Harris Long
Hair is on Backwards (Book Titles): Toupee Embarrassment: Harrison Backwards
Hair Net (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross a spider with a rabbit? A hare net.
Hair (Anatomy): A balding doctor who's pet rabbit escaped said "Hair today, gone tomorrow."
Hairy Ape (Book Titles): The Beach Bully: Harry Ayp ^JG
Haiti (Geography): "Do you like coffee?" "Yes, but I Haiti."
Hake (Food): Famous platitude: Make hake while the sun shines.
Half-Acid (Tom Swifty): "The pH of this solution is just 3.5," said Tom half-assedly.
Half-Firmed (Tom Swifty): "The jelly is 50% set," Tom affirmed.
Half-Hearted (Tom Swifty): "Argh, I've just been stabbed!" said Tom half-heartedly.
Half (Tom Swifty): "I could stand to lose 50% of my body weight," said Tom affably.
Halibut (Food): "Why did you poach fish?" "Just for the halibut."
Halifax (Geography): A fax from Beelzebub could be called a Halifax.
Hallelujah (Book Titles): Handel's Messiah: Ollie Luyah ^JG
Halley (Astronomy): Halley up! We're waiting for you!
Ham and eggs (Book Titles): The Good Breakfast: Hammond Deggs ^JG
Hamstring (Anatomy): One should use a hamstring to tie up a pig.
Hand it over (Book Titles): Theft and Robbery: Andy Tover⁴
Hand over hand (Book Titles): Mountain Climbing: Andover Hand
Handel (Music): It's a tough job being a musician. Are you sure you can Handel it?
Hands do Little (Book Titles): Lazy Employees: Hans Doolittle ^o
Hands Up (Book Titles): The German Bank Robbery: Hans Zupp ^JG
Hanoi (Geography): The Vietnam War used to Hanoi the Americans.
Hanukkah (Book Titles): Jewish Holidays: Hannah Kuhh ^JG
Hardened Criminal (Jokes): What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar? A hardened criminal.
Hap (Mr Rockefeller's wife)-less (Tom Swifty): "Mr. Rockefeller did not bring his wife," said Tom haplessly.
Happy birthday (Book Titles): One Hundred Years Old: Abbie Birthday ^JG
Harare (Geography): "Let's hear it for Zimbabwe! Hip, hip, Harare!"
Harbord (Toronto): One would expect to find docked ships on Harbord Street.
Hard to Beat (Misc): A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Hardy (Tom Swifty): "Don't rest on your laurels," said Tom hardily.
Hare (Animals): Bald biologists say "hare today, gone tomorrow."
Harp (Music): Yes, yes, I know I should practise my piano. Don't harp on it.
Hastily (Tom Swifty): "I don't need rocket boosters to help me run faster," said Tom hastily.
Hastings (Geography): "Does it hurt to poke hay in your eye?" "Yes, Hastings a lot."
Hasty (Tom Swifty): "I don't need rocket boosters to help me run faster," said Tom hastily.
Havana (Geography): Nachos were Mr. Cho's favourite snack. When he moved to Cuba, he became known as Havana Cho.
Have another look (Book Titles): What the Butler Saw: Ava Nutherluk^u
Hawaii (Geography): "I'm fine thanks, Hawaii?"
Haydn (Music): You're not telling the truth! What are you Haydn from me?
Hazel Nut (Book Titles): At The Bottom Of The Can: Hazel Nutt ^JG
Hazy hot & humid (Book Titles): Summer in the South: A. Z. Hot-Humid ^JG
Head of Steam (Book Titles): Gangway!: Hedda Steam ^JG
Headlight (Cars): If I were to plug my head into the socket, would I have a headlight?
Hearst (Geography): The male snake hissed, the female snake Hearst.
Heart (Anatomy): I don't have the heart to tell her she has angina.
Heated (Tom Swifty): "Quick, start a fire!" bellowed Tom heatedly.
Heat-Ted (Tom Swifty): "Theodore, you will soon be promoted from editor to editor-in-chief," said the cannibal heatTedly.
Heatedly (Tom Swifty): "Quick, start a fire!" bellowed Tom heatedly.
Heave Ho (Book Titles): Pull with All You've Got!: Eve Ho
Heaving (vomiting) (Tom Swifty): "I didn't know I got airsick," said Tom, heaving it aloft.
Heavy-handed (Tom Swifty): "These boxing gloves are too big," said Tom heavy-handedly.
Heavy (Tom Swifty): "I've gained thirty pounds," said Tom heavily.
Hectare (Measures): The Greek hero was Hector, not hectare!
Helen (Names): When things go from bad to worse, she says "I'm going to Helen a hand-cart."
Helena (Geography): Archaic expression: "Going to Helena hand-cart."
Helium (Chemistry): What doctors do to sick chemists: helium.
Hell (Jokes): How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
Hell if I know (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Elephino!
Hell in a Handbasket (Book Titles): Where the World is Going: Helena Handbasket
Hell on Earth (Book Titles): I Lived in Detroit: Helen Earth
Helmet Wearer (Book Titles): In The Trenches: Helmut Wearer ^JG
Help-less (Tom Swifty): "It's my maid's night off," said Tom helplessly.
Hemlo (Geography): I'll never understand women's fashions. Some years they have the Hemlo, other years the hem is high.
Hemlock (Forestry): "How can I keep my hem from unraveling?" "Put a hemlock on it!"
Her Man Friday (Book Titles): His Girl Thursday: Herman Friday
Her virginity (Book Titles): What I Took: Irv Erginity ^JG
Herbivore (Book Titles): A Bestiary of Plant Eaters: Herb Avore ^JG
Heretic (Book Titles): Greek Unbeliever!: Hera Tick ^d
Herring (Food): A hard of hearing fisherman needs a herring aid to help him hear.
Herring (Tom Swifty): "I'm going after that red fish," said Tom erringly.
Herschel (Astronomy): It's not his shell, it's Herschel.
Hey why not (Book Titles): Who Cares?: A. Y. Nott ^JG
Hey Would you Feed Me (Book Titles): Hunger In America: Heywood Jafeedme ^JG
Hey you (Book Titles): How To Get Attention: A. U. Overthere ^JG
Hi-de-ho (Book Titles): Cab Calloway's Garden: Heidi Ho ^JG
High False (Tom Swifty): "I am NOT on drugs," said Tom in a high falsetto.
High handed (raise hand) (Tom Swifty): "May I leave the room?" asked the schoolboy, high-handedly.
High Jean (Tom Swifty): "I cut off the bottoms of my trousers so they wouldn't drag in the mud," said Tom hygienically.
Hilary (Sir Edmond) (Tom Swifty): "I climbed Mount Everest," said Tom hilariously.
Hilo (Geography): A typical Hawaiian greeting: "Hilo there."
Himalaya (Geography): Himalaya down to sleep, he pray the Lord his soul to keep.
Hip-Not (Tom Swifty): "Hey, like, sailing the seven seas is really far out, man," said Tom hypnotically.
Hip (Anatomy): "Those jeans are real cool, man." "Yeah, dude, I'm real hip today."
Hippo Critical (Tom Swifty): "Boy, that's an ugly hippopotamus!" said Tom hypocritically.
Hire 'em and Fire 'Em (Book Titles): Human Resources Manager: Hiram N. Firem ^JG
Hist (Alger) (Tom Swifty): "I'm no communist," Alger hissed.
Hoarsely (Tom Swifty): "Let's go to the races!" whispered Tom hoarsely.
Hobart (Geography): How does Santa Claus greet Bart Simpson? "Ho, ho, Hobart, you've been a naughty boy this year!
Hobo (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross the Green Giant with Robin Hood? A Hoe-Bow.
Hogshead (Measures): A measurement freak would say "In a hogshead!" instead of "In a pig's eye!"
Holidays (Book Titles): Stunned Over Christmas: Holly Daze
Hollis (Halifax): "You want me to haul that stuff away?" "Yes, I want you to Hollis to the dump."
Hollow (Tom Swifty): "I feel empty inside," Tom hollered.
Holly (Christmas): Season's greetings from your florist: "Happy holly-days."
Hollywood (Book Titles): Tinseltown Tales: Holly Wood ^JG
Holyoke (Geography): The Church of the Sacred Acorn can be found in Holyoke, Massachusetts.
Homer (Baseball): If baseball had been played in ancient Greece, would Homer have written "Casey at the Bat?"
Homer (Book Titles): Poetry in Baseball: Homer
Honshu (Geography): Goldie Hawn buys her footwear in Honshu.
Hood (Cars): The "Front-End Vandal" was really just a petty hood-lum.
Hoopla (Sports): Basketball excitement: Hoopla.
Hootenanny (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross an owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
Hop Scotch (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.
Hope (Bob) (Tom Swifty): "Troops, I guess there won't be a Christmas show this year," said Tom hopelessly.
Hope (Geography): A familiar cliché‚ of interior British Columbia: "Where there's life, there's Hope."
Hornpayne (Geography): A headache caused by awful trumpet playing is called a Hornpayne.
Horns (Jokes): Why do cows wear cowbells? Because their horns don't work.
Horse and Buggy (Book Titles): Life Before Cars: Orson Buggy ^JG
Horse (Tom Swifty): "Let's go to the races!" said Tom hoarsely.
Horse (Jokes): What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis? A hoarse doctor.
Hose (Cars): The mechanic's a master gardener. Look how he hose the soil and gets the weeds.
Hospitable (Tom Swifty): "Have a ride in my new ambulance," said Tom hospitably.
Hot (Tom Swifty): "These pants are not short enough," said Mary hotly.
Hot Cross Buns (Jokes): What do you get when you drop boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.
Houston (Geography): The 2000-pound weight belonging to Hugh was called Houston.
How Are You (Book Titles): I'm Fine: Howard Yu ²
How Would I Know (Book Titles): Who Killed Cock Robin?: Howard I. Know
Howitzer (Military): "I just talked to Judy in the hospital." "Oh? howitzer broken leg?"
Hubris (Book Titles): I Laugh at the Gods!: Hugh Briss
Hue and Cry (Book Titles): Lots of Excitement: Hugh N. Cry
Hue (Geography): Corruption in the Vietnam government raised a great Hue and cry.
Huge Ass (Book Titles): Big Fart!: Hugh Jass
Hugs the Shore (Expressions): When does a boat show affection? When it hugs the shore.
Humbug (Christmas): After a tragic accident, the rock group "Singing Insect" became known as the "Humbug".
Humdinger (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross a hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger.
Humerus (Anatomy): Why don't people find bone jokes humerus?
Humerus (Tom Swifty): "The doctors had to remove a bone from my arm," said Tom humorlessly.
Hungary (Geography): I haven't eaten for a day! I'm really Hungary!
Hurdle (Sports): Married to a himdel: Hurdle.
Hurricane (Meteorology): Exhortation used to promote speed from Cain: Hurricane!
Hurry it Up (Book Titles): Get Moving, Slowpoke!: Harriet Upp
Huskily (Tom Swifty): "Dogs are a great menace!" barked Tom huskily.
Husky (Tom Swifty): "Dogs are a great menace!" barked Tom huskily.
Hydrogen (Chemistry): The power company's special cocktail: Hydrogen.
Hypo (dermic) (Tom Swifty): "We need a 10-gauge needle," Tom hypothesized.
Hypotenuse (Mathematics): A tall coffee pot perking: Hypotenuse.
Hysterectomy (Tom Swifty): "Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?" asked Mary hysterically.

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