Pun Dictionary: C Entries

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Cabbagetown (Toronto): The place to shop for green leafy vegetables is Cabbagetown.
Cage (Tom Swifty): "Zoos are a necessary evil, I think," said Tom cagily.
Cal Late (Tom Swifty): "The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn't arrive on time," Tom calculated.
Calais (Geography): "Tell Cal to install the carpet here." "Calais the rug in the study."
Calculate (Tom Swifty): "So this is your new computer!" said Tom calculatingly.
Calcutta (Geography): "Cal is a great lumberjack!" "Oh? Can Calcutta redwood tree down in 10 minutes?"
Calgary (Geography): Ellen: "How can I ask Gary out for a date?" Helen: "Just pick up the phone and Calgary."
Call in sick (Book Titles): Take a Break!: Colin Sick
Callander (Geography): People always know what date it is in this Northern Ontario town: Callendar.
Callous (Tom Swifty): "Rowing so much hurts my hands," said Tom callously.
Camembert (Book Titles): French Cheeses: Cam M. Bert
Can He Do It (Book Titles): A Stuntman To The End: Kenny Doitt ^JG
Can't Hit (Book Titles): Woulda Been A Great Shortstop: Kent Hitt ^JG
Can't write (Tom Swifty): "I have writer's block," said Tom contritely.
Canal (Geography): "Mom, canal come over for dinner tonight?" "Of course. Al is always welcome to eat here."
Canberra (Geography): "Is she strong?" "Yes, she Canberra heavier load than I can."
Candela (Physics): A brassiere that measures light intensity is a candela-bra.
Candide (Tom Swifty): "No, I haven't read Voltaire," said Tom candidly.
Cannes (Geography): Do you prefer drinking from Cannes or from bottles?
Cannon (Military): Pachelbel's cannon is a famous piece of classical music.
Canso (Geography): "You cannot!" "I Canso!"
Cape Fear (Geography): This is a scary part of the world to be in: Cape Fear
Cape (Geography): Superman must have been a geographer, since he wore a cape.
Capella (Astronomy): When astronomers sing, they do so a Capella.
Capers (Food): The way that vegetable capers around, you'd think her crazy.
Car will hum (Book Titles): How To Tune Up Your Auto: Carl Humm ^JG
Carat (Measures): A reasonable unit to use for weighing vegetables should be the carat.
Carbon (Chemistry): A chemist will mistranslate "autobahn" as "carbon".
Cardiff (Geography): I'll only take a Cardiff I know it will give me better than three of a kind.
Cardigan (Geography): "Hold it! The Ace of Spades has already been played! Let's see that Cardigan!"
Cardinal Sin (Book Titles): Ecclesiastical Infractions: Cardinal Sin
Cardinal (Football): Greed, sloth, gluttony and disliking pun tests are all considered Cardinal sins.
Care (parcel) (Tom Swifty): "I've grown fat on the contents of charity packages," said Tom carefully.
Care a lot (Book Titles): Feelings: Cara Lott ^JG
Care Less (Tom Swifty): "Why do you bother? I for one couldn't...," said Tom carelessly.
Caries (dental) (Tom Swifty): "I like this drill," said Tom as he carie'd out the dental work.
Carlaw (Toronto): The Highway Traffic Act in Toronto is known as the Carlaw.
Carmel (Geography): Those in California with a sweet tooth often go to Carmel.
Carnivore (Book Titles): Meat Eaters: Carney Vore ^JG
Carpal (Anatomy): "Ask Al if he caught any of those fish." "Caught any carpal?"
Carrot (Food): Rust is edible. After all, it is a form of car-rot.
Carry On (Book Titles): Don't Let Me Stop You: Kerry Onn ^A
Carrion (Misc): Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
Case he needs it (Book Titles): Boy Scout's Handbook: Casey Needzit ^JG
Cash is better (Book Titles): We Take Credit Cards, But...: Cassius Better ^I
Casper (Geography): "If dogs bark and sheep bleat, what do cats do?" "Casper."
Castor (Astronomy): What astronomers take Castor oil as a cure-all.
Casual (work) (Tom Swifty): "I don't work here on a regular basis," said Tom casually.
Catcher (Baseball): "The Kissing Bandit is on the field! She's heading for home plate!" "Well, catcher!"
Catskills (Geography): Purring, catching mice and meowing are all considered Catskills.
Coughing (Jokes): When Dracula had a bad cold, why couldn't his wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.
Cauliflower (Food): Phone company executive: "Let's rename our `Dial a Daisy' program cauliflower."
Cauliflower (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross a dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
Cayman (Geography): "Hey, dude! What's happening?" "Cayman, I'm doing Geography Pun Tests!"
Celery (Food): Do vegetarians earn a higher celery than others?
Cell (Jokes): What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Centre (Mathematics): What a bloodhound does while chasing a woman: Centre.
Centrifuge (Jokes): What is a centrifuge? A place where people hide from a bad smell.
Cents (Money): Common cents should be a guiding force in investment.
Cereal (Food): His painting "Bran Flakes Box" could be described as cereal-ist.
Cerebellum (Book Titles): Brane Surjery Maid Simpel: Sarah Bellum ^JG
Cerebral (Tom Swifty): "I'm afraid you've had a stroke," said Tom cerebrally.
Ceres (Astronomy): Astronomers and baseball can mix, witness the World Ceres.
Cesspool (Book Titles): Joys of Septic Tanks: Seth Poole ^JG
Ceylon (Geography): When the geographer looked at the grass in his yard, he exclaimed "I Ceylon!"
Chafing dish (Book Titles): Obscure Cooking Aids: Che Fingdish ^JG
Chain (Measures): "Me Tarzan, you chain."
Chandelier (Book Titles): Fancy Light Fixtures: Sean D'Olier ^v
Channel (Geography): The preferred perfume of oceanographers is Channel No. 5.
Char Ming (Tom Swifty): "All ancient Chinese artifacts should be burned," said Tom charmingly.
Characteristic (Math) (Tom Swifty): "I don't need the mantissa of the logarithm," said Tom characteristically.
Chargers (Football): A latter-day Light Brigade might be formed from the Chargers.
Charismatic (Book Titles): Handsome, Charming, and... : Cary Smattic ^JG
Charlie horse (Book Titles): Equine Leg Cramps: Charlie Horse
Charon (Astronomy): Platitude ignored by kindergarteners. Charon share alike.
Chased eyes (Tom Swifty): "It's not polite to look directly at a man," Mary chastised.
Chasing Rainbows (Book Titles): Not Bogged Down In Reality: Jason Rainbows ^JG
Cheer (laundry detergent) (Tom Swifty): "I've run out of laundry detergent," said Tom cheerlessly.
Cheer (Tom Swifty): "Hurray for our team!" said Tom cheerfully.
Cheetah (Animals): An animal which doesn't play by the rules is a cheetah.
Cheque is in the Mail, The (Expressions): A tour group stopped at the Tower of London, and were given the chance to try out some of the ancient armour. Two men - one from Prague and another from Athens took up the opportunity. One donned a slightly damaged suit of plate armor and the other chain-mail, while the rest of the group crowded around. But in the full suits, the onlookers couldn't tell one from the other. "Is that the Czech wearing the plate armour?" asked one tourist. "No," replied another, "The Greek has the broken plate, and the Czech is in the mail."
Chemistry (Chemistry): On this tree the chemists grow: Chemistry.
Cherry (Food): Can he spit pits 20 feet? Cherry can!
Chert (Geology): The geologist played poker, but wound up losing his chert.
Chesapeake (Geography): "Aw, c'mon! Chesapeake?" "No! Not until Christmas!"
Chestnuts Roasting in an Open Fire (Expressions): A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
Chess Player (Book Titles): I Beat Bobby Fischer: Jess Player ^JG
Chesterfield (Book Titles): Sofa so Good: Chester Field
Chile (Geography): What food is served hot, yet is always cold? Chile.
Chill Out (Book Titles): Party On, Dude: Jill Out ^JG
Chime (Tom Swifty): "It's twelve noon," Tom chimed in.
Chimpanzee (Book Titles): The Monkey Cage: Jim Panzee ^JG
China (Geography): Geographers prefer to eat on fine China.
Chip (computer) (Tom Swifty): "You could try changing the layout of this microprocessor," Tom chipped in.
Chip (golf) (Tom Swifty): "That gives me a birdie for this hole," Tom chipped in.
Chip (Names): What to call a sculptor and carver: Chip.
Choke (car) (Tom Swifty): "I've got to stop this motor," Tom choked.
Chokes (Baseball): Unfortunately there is no mass Heimlich maneuver to give a ball team when it chokes.
Chopin, Liszt (Music): What's musical and handy in a supermarket? A Chopin Liszt.
Choral (Music): Beethoven's 9th Symphony as heard on the Great Barrier Reef: The "choral".
Chris (Tom Swifty): "Please, Christopher," said Tom crisply.
Christmas (Christmas): Chronically an untidy person, in December Chris was always called "Christmas".
Chuck roast (cut of beef) (Book Titles): What's For Dinner?: Chuck Roast ^JG
Cinco de Mayo (Mexican national holiday): Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 crates of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko De Mayo.
Cinnabar (Geology): The bar where mineralogists break the Ten Commandments: the cinnabar.
Circle (Mathematics): An appropriate title for a knight named Koll: Circle.
Circuit (Physics): After Mr. Kitt had been knighted, he was called circuit.
Circumference (Book Titles): Circle Perimiter: Sir Cumference ^h
Cirrhosis of (the) Liver (Book Titles): The Effects of Alcohol: Sir Osis of Liver
Cirrus (Meteorology): The cirrus in this restaurant is terrible.
Civil War (Book Titles): Sectarian Conflicts: Sybil War
Claim (Tom Swifty): "That's my gold mine!" Tom claimed.
Clairvoyant (Book Titles): I Read You Like A Book: Claire Voyant ^JG
Clam (Tom Swifty): "Another plate of steamers all around!" Tom clamoured.
Clan (Ku Klux) (Tom Swifty): "Help me set fire to this cross," said Tom clannishly.
Clan Destiny (Tom Swifty): "My family has a great future," said Tom clandestinely.
Clarify (Book Titles): Explaining it Better: Clara Fie
Clarinet (Book Titles): Back Row Of The Orchestra: Clara Nett ^JG
Class (Tom Swifty): "I'm going back to school soon," said Tom with class.
Claudia (Names): "Why did the cat scratch me?" "She Claudia because you trod on her tail."
Claus (Christmas): "Bad kitty! Don't sharpen your claus on Santa's leg!"
Clawed Sofa (Book Titles): Destructive Cats: Claude Sofa
Clawed your arm off (Book Titles): The Lion Attacked: Claudia Armoff
Clay pots (Book Titles): House Plants: Clay Potts ^JG
Clear (Tom Swifty): "I was completely exonerated," said Tom clearly.
Cliff diver (Book Titles): Shaky Knees: Cliff Diver ^JG
Climb Act (Tom Swifty): "In my next film I play the part of Sir Edmund Hillary," said Tom climactically.
Clodhopper (Book Titles): Shoes For Farm And Ranch: Claude Hopper ^JG
Clothes (Clothing): "Whew! I just escaped from the rioting crowd of garment workers!" "I guess you had a clothes call!"
Cloud (Meteorology): Past participle of "to clow": Cloud.
Club (Sports): What a golfer says when he/she sinks: Club.
Cluck (Tom Swifty): "My job is to lead the audience's applause," Tom clucked.
Clutch (Cars): Mechanics don't grab, they clutch.
Co-rob (Tom Swifty): "It's better to steal things together," Tom corroborated.
Coach (railway) (Tom Swifty): "Pretend we were in the days before railways," Tom coached.
Coal (Geology): When the geologist kicked the soccer ball into the net, she scored a coal man."
Cock (rooster) (Tom Swifty): "Roosters should be banned," clucked Tom cockily.
Cockily (Tom Swifty): "Roosters should be banned," clucked Tom cockily.
Cod (Food): Fred tried to shoplift a fish, but was cod red-handed.
Code (Computers): I hab a bad code in by head.
Coil (Tom Swifty): "I hate climbing this winding staircase," said Tom coyly.
Coincide (Mathematics): What one does when it rains: Coincide.
Cokes (Tom Swifty): "Have another soft drink," Tom coaxed.
Coldly (Tom Swifty): "Cryogenics is quackery!" Tom said coldly.
Collect (Tom Swifty): "We're philatelists," they shouted collectively.
College (Toronto): "Mr. Edge telephoned while you were out." "OK, I'll College right now."
Colon (Anatomy): The punctuation mark most often found in medical texts is the colon.
Colorado (Geography): "Kelly O'Raddoe is a nice girl. Why don't you Colorado and ask her out to the Geography Prom?"
Colt (Football): I ab a liddle hoarse today because I hab a Colt in by head.
Columbus (Book Titles): Boring Midwestern Cities: Cole Lumbus ^JG
Com Place (Tom Swifty): "I'm putting this microfiche back where it belongs," said Tom complacently.
Come and get it (Book Titles): Dinner's Ready!: Carmen Gettit ^A
Comet (Astronomy): The Great Bear was shot with Celestial Tranquilizer to comet down.
Commies (Tom Swifty): "I'm a Soviet military official," Tom commiserated.
Commit a Crime (Book Titles): Breaking the Law: Kermit A. Krime
Compiler (Computers): A person who stacks coms is a compiler.
Con (Quaa) ludes (Tom Swifty): "This is a really strong drug," Tom concluded.
Con Descend (Tom Swifty): "The prisoner escaped by climbing down a rope," said Tom condescendingly.
Con Fest (Tom Swifty): "I organized that big party for the prisoners," Tom confessed.
Con Firm (Tom Swifty): "The prisoners set up a corporation," the warden confirmed.
Con Scent (Tom Swifty): "All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume," the warden consented.
Con Seat (Tom Swifty): "Okay, you can switch on the electric chair now," said Tom conceitedly.
Con Sid (Tom Swifty): "Now how can I trick Sidney?" Tom considered.
Con Sole (Tom Swifty): "Don't worry, I'll take full responsibility for providing the prisoner with getaway footwear," said Tom consolingly.
Con Tempt (Tom Swifty): "Hey, what's it worth if I can help you to escape from prison?" asked Tom contemptuously.
Con Tent (Tom Swifty): "The escaped prisoner is camping out in the woods," said Tom contentedly.
Concentration (Tom Swifty): "MY frozen orange juice requires you to add SIX cans of water," said Tom with great concentration.
Conceivable (Misc): Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Concord (Geography): The Great Rope Swindle soon became known as the Concord.
Condescendingly (Tom Swifty): "I'll take the prisoner downstairs," said Tom condescendingly.
Condor (Birds): The great door swindle was called the condor."
Conduct (Jokes): Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
Conductor (Music): "I was struck by lightning and lived!" "I always knew you were a terrible conductor."
Confusion (Book Titles): Nuclear Power Bafflement: Ken Fusion ^JG
Congo (Geography): Our visas are here! This means we Congo to Africa!
Connaught (Halifax): I can eat the Mackay Bridge!" "No, you Connaught! How would people get to Dartmouth?"
Connie's Toga (Book Titles): The Sheet She Wore to the Party: Connie Stoga ^JG
Conquered (Tom Swifty): "I came, I saw," Tom concurred.
Conscript (Military): The fake TV show script was meant to fool people, so it was called the conscript.
Consider Eight (Tom Swifty): "We're currently thinking about a figure somewhere between 7 and 9," said Tom considerately.
Continent (Geography): Babies need diapers because they're in-continent.
Continent (Tom Swifty): "I favour self-restraint everywhere in North America," said Tom continently.
Continuous (Tom Swifty): "All I ever do is milk this damn cow," Tom uttered continuously.
Contra verse (Tom Swifty): "I'm writing a poem about the rebels in Nicaragua," said Tom controversially.
Convections (Meteorology): "He really believes his theories on severe thunderstorms." "Yes, he is a man of strong convections."
Conviction (Tom Swifty): "I find you guilty!" said the judge with conviction.
Coolee (Tom Swifty): "I feel like a Chinese labourer," said Tom coolly.
Cop ascetic (Tom Swifty): "I deal with things by abstaining," said Tom copacetically.
Copper Nitrate (Chemistry): Overtime for British policemen: Copper nitrate.
Copper Wire (Hot Cross Puns): What do you get when you cross a policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.
Cork (Geography): This Irish city is really "into" making wine bottles: Cork.
Corn (Tom Swifty): "The size of those cobs is a-maize-ing!" was Tom's corny joke.
Cornea (Anatomy): These eyeball jokes don't get better, they just get cornea.
Cornell (Book Titles): East Coast Universities: Cora Nell ^l
Cornwall (Geography): When one makes a barrier from sacks of corn, one makes a Cornwall.
Corporal punishment (Book Titles): Flogging in the Army: Corporal Punishment
Corporal (Military): Corporal punishment was outlawed in schools years ago.
Corsetoff (Book Titles): Pressure Relief: Korsetsov ^p
Corsican (Geography): Can a general become world-famous? Of Corsican.
Cosecant (Mathematics): Can a Humphrey Bogart turn into a banana? Of cosecant
Cosmos (Astronomy): In photographic astronomy, the presence of the Moon will cosmos of the problems.
Cost (Tom Swifty): "That's price-fixing!" said Tom caustically.
Counter Productive (Tom Swifty): "I manufacture those tabletops that separate store clerks from their customers," said Tom counterproductively.
Counter (Tom Swifty): "We could use the Geiger-Muller method to check for radiation leaks," Tom countered.
Coup (Tom Swifty): "We've taken over the government," the general cooed.
Courts (Sports): Can Ronald Reagan eat a tennis ball? Of courts he can't.
Cowboys (Football): If any football team will give you a bum steer, it is this one: Cowboys
Crab (Tom Swifty): "I hate shellfish," said Tom crabbily.
Crack (Jokes): What did the painter say to the wall? "One more crack and I'll plaster you!"
Craft (Tom Swifty): "Pottery and weaving can have interesting uses," said Tom craftily.
Crank (Tom Swifty): "How do you start a model-T Ford without a battery?" asked Tom crankily.
Crankily (Tom Swifty): "Yes, I know how to start my Model T!" snapped Tom crankily.
Crash (Book Titles): Measles Collision!: Kay Rash
Crash (Cars): I need to learn how to drive by next week. Where can I get a crash course in driver training?
Cratchit (Christmas): "Sir, the horse broke loose from the stable!" "Don't just stand there! Cratchit!"
Crater (Astronomy): An astronomy grad student who packs things in boxes: Crater.
Crays (Computers): A new fad or wild fashion in programming is called a Crays.
Crazy (Tom Swifty): "I love supercomputers!" giggled Tom Crayzily.
Cream of Wheat (Book Titles): The LA Lakers' Breakfast: Kareem O'Wheat ^JG
Crease (Hockey): A goalie is a sharp dresser if he a has nice crease in his trousers.
Cree ate (Tom Swifty): "I have a theory about how certain North American Indians maintained their energy levels through the winter," said Tom creatively.
Creek (Geography): "I know I'm getting old. When I get up, my bones creek and groan."
Crest (brand of toothpaste) (Tom Swifty): "I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen.
Crete (Geography): The "Greek Cement Swindle" soon became known as the "con-Crete".
Crimea (Geography): Sarcastic reaction to a sob story: "Crimea river!"
Crisco (a brand of shortening) (Book Titles): The Greasy Spoon: Chris Coe ^JG
Crispy bacon (Book Titles): Perfect Cooking: Chris P. Bacon ^A
Croak (Tom Swifty): "I'm dying," Tom croaked.
Cross (Hot Cross Puns): The Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way.
Cross (Tom Swifty): "Argh! Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!" said Jesus crossly.
Crow (Tom Swifty): "I've spotted more blackbirds than you have," Tom crowed.
Crude (Tom Swifty): "@#$%*! I've struck oil," said Tom crudely.
Crust (Tom Swifty): "I hate pies with crumb bases," said Tom crustily.
Crux (Astronomy): Embezzling astophysicists are a bunch of Crux.
Cryptic (Tom Swifty): "Destroy this Temple and within three days I will raise it up," said Jesus cryptically.
Cryptic (Tom Swifty): "This has been a grave undertaking," said Tom cryptically.
Cryptically (Tom Swifty): "This has been a grave undertaking," said Tom cryptically.
Crystal (Book Titles): Mineralogy for Giants: Chris Tall
Crystal ball (Book Titles): Fortune Telling: Crystal Ball ^JG
Cuba (Geography): I'd like a Cuba sugar for my coffee, please.
Cubit (Mathematics): To multiply something by itself three times: Cubit.
Cuckold (Tom Swifty): "My wife is cheating on me," Tom cackled.
Cursor (Computers): A swearing programmer can be called a cursor.
Cursor (Tom Swifty): "So THAT's where the next character is going to appear," said Tom after a cursory glance.
Currants (Jokes): Where does a jellyfish get its jelly? From ocean currents.
Curt Reply (Book Titles): No: Kurt Reply ^JG
Curt (Tom Swifty): "This is as vile as the Threepenny Opera," said Tom curtly.
Curtain rod (Book Titles): Interior Decorating: Curt Enrod ^JG
Cut (Tom Swifty): "I'm the butcher's helper," said Tom cuttingly.
Cycling (Book Titles): Exercise on Wheels: Cy Kling
Cyclone (Meteorology): When Cy had a duplicate made of himself, it was called the cyclone.
Cyprus (Geography): The Cyprus tree can be found in the swamps of Florida.
Cyst (Anatomy): "I don't want to!" "I really must in-cyst."

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